the one that got away

They say that feeling of that one love affair that existed in your life, the one that gave you shivers down your spine, the one that gave you butterflies (and still does) in your tummy, the one that you dreamt of every night, the one you shed tears over, will never go away. 

Mine has lasted over a decade. 

And will never cease to fade.

The only difference is that my love affair was not one with a boy but one with New York. It was short and sweet. It took my breath away. It caused my heart to palpitate in ways I could never have imagined. It gave me chills when I breathed in its life. It broke my heart fourteen years ago when I knew i wouldn't be back. That one relationship I can't let go of, the one that holds my heart in an unimaginable grasp.

The one that got away.

{image via Jessica Illustration}

{NYC sketches via Robert Scholten}

two peas in a pod

They're like Tweedledum and Tweedledee.

Attached at the hip. 

Best buddies. 

Some even think they're twins.

It's nice to see little friendships mean something to three year olds. 

a second chance with that little blue camera

This trip was exactly two months ago.

I like that after two months I have little surprises waiting for me. I like that I forgot what photos I took and I like that the moment I get my prints back is when I actually remember. 

This little thing makes me happy.

I think I've neglected my little diana and have a little reminder that she needs some attention once in a while. 

when v came to see us

It was like yesterday we sat in my lounge in my little flat keeping warm in the crisp spring weather. Like yesterday we ate that vongole in a little restaurant in Soho. Like yesterday we danced around singing to "Part of Your World". Like yesterday we climbed the Eiffel Tower and ran along the Paris roundabouts. Like yesterday we salsa-ed in a Brazilian club in central London. Like yesterday she held the little man in her arms making sure he would always remember her. 

Three years ago, I walked away from V on my brick lined street and turned off into the park with tears running down my face as I left London with the angst and anxiety I never expected. 

Three years on, we sat in my new renovated house that I'm finally back in. Three years on, we ate vongole on a humid night in Manila restaurant. Three years on,  we sat in bed in our pajamas singing "Part of Your World". She boogied with her new favourite little boy as I watched them bond over Spiderman and Captain America. We drove up the mountains, ate lunch in a garden sanctuary and spent a day within a walled city of Old Manila. She made sure the little one would always remember her and kissed him goodbye knowing that he would.

So forgive me for being in hiding this May. 

Three years is a lot to catch up on. 

"April come she will when streams are ripe and swelled with rain"

This 36° Manila summer has been devouring me with its heat. 

I can't seem to get anything done.

Forgive me for the blogging drought, I never thought my thoughts would be so parched and arid, especially after my Blogging From the Heart e-course. What a wonderful thing to have been a part of, I just wish my life outside my online world allowed me to keep up with all the inspiration that was being shared.

With April being my worst month ever in the two years of blogging, the last thing I want is a repeat of an unimaginative space. 

So here's to hoping May brings me lots to stock up on, throws me thoughts to ponder on, and gives me moments to  share.

who ever thought?

the boys that complete my life.

always.

the boys that make my whole being laugh.

constantly.

the boys that make my head spin in circles.

sometimes.

the boys that make my heart smile.

forever.

my boys.

who ever thought i'd be this lucky?

a malapascuan holiday

Last week:

1. My toes were buried in the sand.

2. I sat trying to write as the sun baked on my skin but eventually stopped as 

my thoughts were left clouded and disturbed.

3. I found it hard to switch off and it left me frustrated.

4. I watched the little one swim in the ocean for the first time, watched how his hair lightened in the 

mid morning sunshine and marveled at the sound of his laughter as he chased the waves. 

 5. I only finished one book.

6. I cheated on the diet that I was supposed to stay on but that garlic rice was so worth it.

7. I was made to choose between a friend and a husband on drunken night that went wrong. 

I didn't like how small it made me feel.

8. Not a fan of conflict, especially on holiday.

 Life is too bloody short for shit like that.

9. I saw Nemo and lots of starfish as we spent one afternoon snorkelling. But also greeted that

 fear of being in the middle of the ocean in a little moment of panic.

10. Old friends + happy hour. Moments to remember.

11. I watched my son play with the local children, who touched his golden hair and 

gazed at his white skin.

12. ... At the same time watched these kids as their smiles lit their beautiful faces 

when they spotted the camera. I still can't get over how genuine their smiles were.

13. I flirted with the husband as we reminisced about our honeymoon in Jamaica and shared a smile 

when we realised this was our tenth year together.

14. I promised myself that this getaway needed to happen more often. 

Another three years till the next one is too long.

15. ... And further realised that the husband and I need to go away as a couple more 

than we think we do.

16. I let my contentment overpower my distracted mind, after all, with this as my backdrop,

 what kind of fool did I play myself out to be?  so eventually, I let it all slip away.