.because i love paris.

I thought I would do another ‘because’ place post before I get started on work. I’ve been thinking a lot about Paris recently, how I never went there enough. Twice was too little, and there was still so much to see.

My first time was a work trip so seeing sites were limited. In fact, I saw Paris only at night. And the Eiffel Tower was the only tourist spot we saw and as we climbed, the lights were sparkling through towers structure and from the middle tier, the scene below was breathtaking. We roamed the streets for the Fête de la Musique, drank in the middle of the street party, then spent the last night club hopping from one bar to another. The next time wasn’t quite as rowdy, as it was spent with my folks and brothers. Six months pregnant, with swollen feet, wasn’t exactly the ideal way to see the city.  However, with a flat in Parmentier over looking the busy street, just a walk away from Republique, who would’ve asked for more. I remember as the first night was slowly ending, Dad played Edith Piaf and I truly felt Paris. We did the typical tourist places as you do and it was wonderful. But I’d like to go back.

I’d like to go back with my husband and walk the streets like new lovers. I’d like him to swoop me up into his arms and kiss me beneath the Eiffel’s sparkling lights. I’d like to walk hand in hand down unsuspecting streets and stumble upon the art galleries. I’d like to sit at a cafe in the middle of the Latin Quarters sipping some wine watching the Parisians as they pass by. I’d like unveil Paris’ secrets together. And then after Paris, we can drive through the wine country in a car with a sun roof, through to Champagne then down to Nice.

Oh, it’s nice to dream sometimes.
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.my sunshine.

Oh, he just makes my heart melt. Everytime.
I can’t believe how fast he’s growing.
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.spoken words.

silver grey moonlight beam…
vivid brightness and spectacular aura…
unexplainable beauty.
definition of calmness.
……eminence of peace.
— RJR ‘03
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.she was who she was.

Remember her?
She’s still there. Deep down, she’s still there.
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.the creative mind.

The creation of something new is not accomplished by the intellect but by the play instinct acting from inner necessity. The creative mind plays with the objects it loves.

C.G. Jung
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Week four of Unravelling has me looking at memories, looking through old photos and reminiscing and then I find that my tummy starts churning with every London album I open up.
I miss the city, the fast paced hustle and bustle. I miss how you can take a turn into a park and feel like you have escaped from the city in a matter of minutes. I miss being able to walk everywhere. Oh, the walking… my heart aches for this. We could spend hours walking around the city without a destination, without a reason except to just walk. I miss the fact that things work, that people know what they are doing, that people understand what they are doing. I miss drinks at the pub, especially in the summer when people are chasing the sun in the beer gardens. I miss spring and autumn, where the air is crisp. I miss Tesco, Primark and H&M. I actually miss my tiny little flat, with it’s creaky floors and lack of space, I really do.

Guess life really is how it’s supposed to be. You miss the little things that made you happy. I wanted to leave so badly and here I am yearning for it.

London was good to me, how can I not miss it?
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. your art .

Life is your art. An open, aware heart is your camera. A oneness with your world is your film. Your bright eyes and easy smile is your museum.
— Ansel Adams
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. art inspiration ( Russ Mills ) .

Russ Mills.  Wow.
I am having a hard time describing how I feel about your art beacuse I feel that my words are really not enough.

Your layering, your texture, your wonderful drawings.

You make my creative soul explode in all different directions.
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. sweet thing, you make my heart sing .

I have always loved cupcakes, but recently I have obsessed with making them.
Freshly baked, freshly piped. Wonky, but still piped myself. Cupcakes for Gramma’s birthday. :D
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. a dose of prose .

I am inhabited by a cry.
Nightly it flaps out
Looking, with its hooks, for something to love.
I am terrified by this dark thing
That sleeps in me;
All day I feel its soft, feathery turnings, its malignity.
— Sylvia Plath
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.just because i can.

A late afternoon on Marcilla Beach with my 16-35mm. A different perspective of things. A stretch waiting to be filled. A beach waiting for the future. I can only sit and wait patiently. Grateful just to feel the sand between my toes.

For the meantime, its beauty will be captured behind my lens.
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.it is always about the dreams.

I let a lot of dreams go when I was younger. I didn’t want to, I had to. It was just the way things had to go. And then I chose to forget about them so it didn’t hurt so much at the time. But how far did those dreams really go?  Is it that you have them one day and then the next you just don’t?
I don’t really do well with change and yet change has been a part of my life since I left home at 18. So when my dreams changed, I didn’t know how to handle it. When you want something so bad, how could dreams change? How can you change what you really want? But then I began to understand that it wasn’t about letting them go completely, it was about adapting them into new ones and making the revised versions happen. And some of them have happened. My creative dreams….. they happened. And it makes me very proud.

I have new ones that have come up. New dreams. New directions. And through this all, I sit and hope that I can do this the way they are supposed to happen. So although revised dreams are wonderful, it would be nice for things to fall into place just the way they are supposed to.
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. tomorrow's aventures .

looking forward to being here tomorrow. one night in paradise will make me happy. the smell of the ocean. the feel of sand on my toes. the salt water hardening my hair. the fresh air.
it’s times like this when I love my job.

and when the night closes in tomorrow, I will catch up on my writing. Perhaps begin that fairytale I have been meaning to write. Perhaps write a few pages in my new journal or perhaps I will finally finish this book I have been hanging onto for weeks.

I think tomorrow will be a good day.
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. disconnected .

I don’t want to become on of those people who start blogs and then slowly forget about it. I aimed to start this and to keep up with my inspirations through it. But man, this week has been hectic. Wonderfully hectic. Overwhelmingly hectic. So I am excusing myself from the neglected blog this time because it was neglected for the right reasons. Sometimes when things don’t seem to be falling into place for me, it takes that one step through the creative world that gets me going again. I get lost in my thoughts too much and sometimes it prevents me from implementing my ideas. And then sometimes I lose my courage. I believe I’m brave when it comes to expressing my creativity, I always have been but when the doubt kicks in, it kicks me hard. Why do I doubt my creativity sometimes? I needed to begin believing in my world again.

In the last few weeks, I have found myself doing courses to kick start this spark in me, a basic photography course and another creative course that focuses on me, a pathway into discovering who I am. Doing these courses side by side has just opened a little door in me again, one that I had a few years back that I seemed to have lost with all the transition that had been going on in my life.

I’m excited for what the future holds. I know it’s all about me. I have to make it all happen. I have to believe I can make it all happen.

I’m beginning to fall deeper in love with photography.

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