when all of a sudden breathing isn't an option

Over a month since I last blogged. 

Absolutely ridiculous. 

I wish I could say the same about my life. Okay maybe, ridiculous may be the right word.

Ridiculously overwhelming. In a good way. In an amazing way.

 However with this sense of overwhelming excitement  comes non existent breathing space. So non existent, my little one laughed for the first time without me there.  It's a killer, you know, this feeling of guilt. But in as much as my guilt washes over me, showing my children that doing what you love is so important that it overshadows the guilt. Chasing dreams, catching them and relishing in them is something to teach them. Goals, achievement, passion, and  hard work. These are what I want my children to see when they look at me. At the end of the day, as much as my dreams are mine to achieve, they are also for them to aspire to. 

p.s. i've really neglected my little online space. who knows when I'll ever get back up to how it used to be. :(

breathing

in the light of everything going on in the world...

without being selfish or anything else possibly disrespectful to other countries in turmoil, i needed to breathe in a simple, ordinary moment in my backyard, and count my blessings.

and as much as i have been so desperate to catch my breath, i realise that my personal turmoil is nothing compared to theirs.

and all of a sudden, i am grounded.

the universe is playing tricks on me

so much for writing you a letter.

you're not really helping.

instead you are playing tricks.

either you are truly horrible, or you have something in store for me.

... something earth shattering
.... something groundbreaking.
.... something humbling.
... something just right.
..... or something that truly fits me.

let's hope fate crosses my path.
and
let's hope i work hard enough to find my fate.

dear blog

I am sorry that I have been neglecting your space.

I am sorry because life has been speeding past me and i have not been able to document it.

I am sorry because my computer fried and I have lost some important files and have not had my digital world at hand.

I really am sorry but please know that I am not gone for good and that you have not just been there for momentary online therapy.

I am sorry but my reality has really needed a little bit of attention.

But my reality is almost set up and somehow within all the running around I have managed to catch my breath this morning and enjoy my new space, my new sun spots, my new home.....

 

Oh my, I think reality is also telling me that I am in dire need of a pedicure.

mood swings and roundabouts

I'm at a little roundabout in my life but I've decided to embrace it with all gracefulness, grasp it with all my pride and move forward.  I read these kind words that someone wrote for me and she told me to stand still for one moment, close my eyes, feel the wind and sunlight on my face. To know that in my heart,  this roundabout I have revisited is what I will learn from and carry forward, no matter how frustrating or challenging it is. My heart swelled with content when simple words empowered me and the kind thoughts overcame me. It really is that simple. It really is how it should be.

I just wish that when it rained, it didn't have to pour.

T H E   R O U N D A B O U T   

Enigma

Life is a wheel of changes
But changes are life
And someday we will have to say good bye
But our spirit will survive
Love is phasing
Love is moving
To the rhythm of your sight
In the darkness I get closer
To the crossing point of light
Reason is lasting, passion is living
And dying is teaching us how to live

for one moment I sit and believe

a kiss to build a dream on - Louis Armstrong

Sometimes I sit back and listen to some music, close my eyes and just feel it through my bones, through my soul and embrace every beat, every tune. I let the voices take me away into their world, let the instruments carry me through to another world. And at times, I too, let my voice sweep me away into the melodies of the song. And in this world, everything is okay and life is just the way things are supposed to be.

Sometimes I use music as my escape, to drown out my worries, to mask my concerns, to temporarily erase doubt. It helps you know, at least for the moment it does. And in this one moment of my musical takeover, I can breathe. I can sit here and believe that life is just the way it is supposed to be and that life knows what it has planned for me. I must believe that this truly is the way things are supposed to be.


And sometimes when the music stops, I panic for a little bit. My realities have swooped back down on me. Where is the music to make me momentarily slip away from consciousness? But then I know that I can do this without my music, I don't need it to mask away my fears, for it is my fears that make me stronger.

Then I realise that I can do this. I can get through whatever life challenges me with having to escape.
I don't need to hide. But really.... it is nice sometimes. It really is.