Birdcages, owls and poopie nappies.

When you are eight months pregnant, it's easy to feel left out. It's easy to feel like the world is speeding past you while you waddle through your days. It's easy to feel like so much is happening around you and you lose your breath trying to catch up. For your girlfriends will still have their dinners over cocktails and red wine. Your girlfriends will still go out dancing and your girlfriends will still sleep in the next day rocking those ultimate hangovers.

Life around you goes on and you miss out on certain things. 

But at eight months pregnant, a walk down the hall leaves you breathless. 

Lying down on the couch with your swollen feet up sounds more appealing than dancing in your five inch heels.

Drinking a cup of ginger tea warms you up more than that glass of Pinotage. 

Wearing comfy pajamas at nine in the evening is more comfortable than those skinny ass jeans.

And then special days happen that celebrate the main reason why you are in fact missing out. 

And then you realise, that you are not missing out on much. 

On special days like this one, your friends remind you that you are missed as much as you miss them. 

And that they are not going anywhere. 

            

when v came to see us

It was like yesterday we sat in my lounge in my little flat keeping warm in the crisp spring weather. Like yesterday we ate that vongole in a little restaurant in Soho. Like yesterday we danced around singing to "Part of Your World". Like yesterday we climbed the Eiffel Tower and ran along the Paris roundabouts. Like yesterday we salsa-ed in a Brazilian club in central London. Like yesterday she held the little man in her arms making sure he would always remember her. 

Three years ago, I walked away from V on my brick lined street and turned off into the park with tears running down my face as I left London with the angst and anxiety I never expected. 

Three years on, we sat in my new renovated house that I'm finally back in. Three years on, we ate vongole on a humid night in Manila restaurant. Three years on,  we sat in bed in our pajamas singing "Part of Your World". She boogied with her new favourite little boy as I watched them bond over Spiderman and Captain America. We drove up the mountains, ate lunch in a garden sanctuary and spent a day within a walled city of Old Manila. She made sure the little one would always remember her and kissed him goodbye knowing that he would.

So forgive me for being in hiding this May. 

Three years is a lot to catch up on. 

it makes me happy

My eyes see a different world behind that lens.
My eyes see things that don't normally appear with just walking past.

Moments freeze.
Emotions are painted
Time stands still in just one capture.

This is how I like to remember. This is how I like to visualise.

And this, well, this is just how I like seeing the world.

Photo by Lori Blackburn.

for my husband

                                                                                           above photos by aizacruzwing
happy father's day to the most wonderful daddy to our son.

I wouldn't be half the mother that I am without you by my side.

viva a mexico

 

I love that life surprises me sometimes. 

So when i think the universe isn't listening, it really is. 

Who knew that May would show me a new place? 

A little quaint town in a historical part of Guadalahara. 

Oh, Tlaquepaque. You charmed me. You grabbed hold of my tired  body and swept me through your markets, grasped hold of my sleepy eyes and opened them wide to your wonderful streets.You took me through your journey of your morning routine. 

Then came Guadalajara Centro. Old buildings, historical monuments, numerous fountains, wonderful buildings. And a city that somewhat reminds me of home plus the Mexican charm. I really have fallen in love. 

And you got me in one day.

 

more photos to follow.
** blogged the day photos were taken**

my most important role

 i am a mother.

it was all i ever imagined it to be and more,
but it is also harder than i ever thought it would be.
it is rewarding, it is happiness, it is laughter. it is love.

i am a mother.

it is how my own mother always said it would be, words i never believed.
i should have really listened.
it was something i wanted to be more than anything in this world.
it is a beautiful struggle. it is a pretty special thing.

i am a mother.
and i'm truly truly blessed.

ah, the love.

He has so much love for this toy.

and i can't stop watching him.
it's as if I want to catch how time makes him grow taller by the minute.

He speaks in sentences now.
He has little snide remarks.
He is very kind with sharing his affection.
He is also very naughty.
He is wonderful.

the one that i love

i fall in love with this man more and more everyday.

...... and i love him in his chef whites; it was what he was wearing the day i first met him.

see the way he thinks at food the way i see it.

one day his feet will be bigger than mine

..... and it is not too far away.

I'll blink and it'll happen in no time.

that ordinary moment

December 27 – Ordinary Joy. Our most profound joy is often experienced during ordinary moments. What was one of your most joyful ordinary moments this year? 

I remember it being a bad day.

I remember being angry, frustrated, upset, alone. My road rage was at its height, I screamed at people through the glass of my car window, muttered curse words under my breath annoyed at every movement the other motorists made. Everyone seemed to be in my way and all I wanted to do was get home and sulk.

Then it came. The moment I had been waiting for since I moved back home, on a highway that sits in the landing path of the international airport. Right underneath the gigantic body of a Boeing 707, my car sat underneath the huge roar of its engine as it neared its destination.

Oh, how I laughed. I laughed on my own and I giggled like a little school girl as if i had reached a goal that was unachievable, as if it were a dream of mine that I longed to have for years and years. But it was MY ordinary moment, my simple ordinary moment that made me smile the rest of the way home.

I don't even remember what I was angry about.

Photo by Lauren Treece

if i had known

If I had known....

If I had known one day we would meet...

I would have counted the raindrops to mark the days

I would have danced beneath every full moon

If had known one day we would kiss

I would have sprinkled my hair with golden stars

and bathed my feet in the milky way

If I had known one day we would touch

I would have clothed myself in the wind

and caressed my skin with the morning dew

If I had known one day we would embrace...

I would have made a bed of moss

and covered it with wild flowers....

If I had known one day I would be your bride...

I would have bathed myself in the sun

and veiled my face with clouds

If I had known one day I would speak your name...

I would have had the nightingale teach me his song

and fairies teach me to fly

If I had known one day you would seek me out....

I would have the fireflies light your path

and sent angels to guide you

If I had known you would one day love me....

I would have gifted you the rainbow

    Kyssus 2004

 Because it's been four wonderful years. 

 

..... and because there are many more years ahead of us.

 

December 27, 2006

Photos by Dino Lara