And now you are one

Dearest Sían, 

You, my darling girl, are one today.

And oh my, how this year flew past. I remember how I was listening to music as I lay on the table while Dr. Lopez carefully pulled you out. Daddy saw you first, with your amazing full head of hair and long legs. And then they gave you to me. And I cried. I cried because you were so tiny. I cried because I waited nine long months for you to come, in fact, I waited my whole life to meet my little girl. I cried because I finally got to see who this little person was moving inside of me. And my baby girl, you were so beautiful. You still are.

Your pixie features captured everyone right away, and all of a sudden this little person grasped everyone around her tiny fingers and you know what?  I think you still do.  You are everyone's ray of sunshine, Síani, and with that smile of yours, you will always be. 

❤ I love that you sleep! Oh my, do you sleep. From the first night, till the next few days, till weeks and months after. And now a year later, your favourite part of bedtime is climbing into that cot of yours. 

❤ I love that you already know what you don't like. You push things away when you don't want something, you cry when you want attention, and you smile when you get what you want. You are so independent but too small to be on her own. I want to treasure this moment for as long as it lasts. 

❤ I love that you are feisty.  One day you still hold that strength in you and stand up for yourself. Don't let anyone take that away from you. 

❤ I love that you love your brother so much. He is the only one who can make you laugh wholeheartedly. He's the only one who gets you so happy that your whole body jumps with excitement. I hope this is the beginning of the most special relationship you will always treasure. 

❤ I love that you are such a happy baby. Even when you are not feeling well or extremely tired, you smile. You smile at everyone, you know? One day, that smile of yours will brighten someones day. I know it always brightens mine. 

❤ I love your little toes. Your little fingers. Your little tummy. Your little button nose. Your little curls. Everything about you I love unconditionally. I wish I could hold onto this past year a little longer. But I know every year will make me love you even more, if that is even possible. My heart feels like it will burst if I love you any more. 

❤ I love your big front teeth and your gapped smile. You have five teeth now. And I love how you scrunch your nose up and show them to me with your silly smile. 

❤ I hate leaving you in the morning. You now make it harder than it has ever been, how you grab hold of my arms so tightly, how you cry as if I'm going to leave you forever, how you look as me as though you will never see me again. It breaks my heart every single day. And I always drive off with my heart dragging behind the car. 

❤  I hate that I miss so much. The year has gone so quickly, but I feel like there has been so much I haven't been there for. Mummy works hard for your future, and I promise you that I will make sure that the time we have is quality over quantity. 

Happy first, my sweet sunshine. To many more years with the brightness that you bring into our lives. 

a new role

Life has been pretty hectic with a newborn and a four year old. But I'm getting there. 

New changes on the blog, fresh starts, and hopefully more posts when I get time to breathe. Two months into two thousand and thirteen and I think I got it. 

I think.

the girl with the bump

I'm not one to show off my body in bikinis to post online. 

I'm usually the one hiding behind someone so my legs aren't on show.

Or the one breathing in so much you would think I actually stopped breathing completely.

Or even the one who has mastered the shoulder pose to make my arms look skinnier.

But these photos.... 

Well, I'm not embarrassed nor am I even that tad bit ashamed of posting them here.

 In all honesty, I have never been prouder of my pregnant body. I'm not even that slightly embarrassed to share them because they are beautiful memories of who I was when I carried my little girl. What my body represented as my skin stretched to its utmost capacity.

 They are my memories of aches and pains, sleepless nights, my nine months between her and I. 

We shared that together. 

And I'd like to remember it  forever.

p h o t o s  b y:  h y l t o n  l e  r o u x

Peep this post for my first self-portrait post that I geared myself up to post online shot in the exact same space.

Birdcages, owls and poopie nappies.

When you are eight months pregnant, it's easy to feel left out. It's easy to feel like the world is speeding past you while you waddle through your days. It's easy to feel like so much is happening around you and you lose your breath trying to catch up. For your girlfriends will still have their dinners over cocktails and red wine. Your girlfriends will still go out dancing and your girlfriends will still sleep in the next day rocking those ultimate hangovers.

Life around you goes on and you miss out on certain things. 

But at eight months pregnant, a walk down the hall leaves you breathless. 

Lying down on the couch with your swollen feet up sounds more appealing than dancing in your five inch heels.

Drinking a cup of ginger tea warms you up more than that glass of Pinotage. 

Wearing comfy pajamas at nine in the evening is more comfortable than those skinny ass jeans.

And then special days happen that celebrate the main reason why you are in fact missing out. 

And then you realise, that you are not missing out on much. 

On special days like this one, your friends remind you that you are missed as much as you miss them. 

And that they are not going anywhere. 

            

the magical inner light of the owl

The Native American tribes believed the owl to that of a protector against harm using their feathers to ward of the evil spirits. 

The ancient Athenians 'made the owl an emblem of wisdom' and is a symbol of Athene, the goddess of foresight and knowledge.

A nocturnal bird, a creature of the night, one that symbolises inner-knowing, intuition, and mystery.

Babygirl will have something watching over her in her little nursery when mummy and daddy aren't around, keeping her protected in its mystery, keeping her safe when she's in her little space.

Can't wait to do her nursery up. 

i'm ready.

1. I'm ready to play football again. I'm ready for an 8k run.

2. I'm ready for a spicy tuna salad, medium rare steak, peanut butter sandwiches, eggs benedict, foie gras and vodka tonics.

3. I'm ready to go out dancing with my friends in high heels and skinny jeans.

4. I'm ready for long evenings of good food, bottles of red wine, conversations and friends without feeling the need to fall asleep at the stroke of 10 pm. 

5. I'm ready for round two of nappies and breastmilk. 

6. I'm ready for those long nights. 

7. I'm ready to walk and not waddle.

8. I'm ready to wear my wedding ring again.

9. I'm ready to get pampered with a full body deep tissue massage, dye my hair and get highlights.

10. I'm ready to be me again. 

11. But most of all, I'm ready to meet my little girl. Ready to be a mother of two. Ready to become a   family of four.

 I'm so ready. 

the waiting game

pretty little one, mama is waiting. 

we all are. 

little girls and all things nice

pretty little dresses.

pink.

pigtails.

ballet {or not}.

I'm kinda excited.

for the august break.