When push goes to shove

The day I took this photo, I was embracing change. Change in my body, change in my life and most importantly change in my state of mind. On this day, I ran till my body told me to stop. And it stopped early but I listened. I walked till I knew I had to sit down and man, did my body insist. But what I didn't know was that a few days after this run, my life would hit a complete crossroad and change would be bigger than I ever expected.

I stood at this intersection where motherhood and career pointing in different directions. A choice I've never had to make, a choice that came natural when we decided to leave England. After all, moving was one of the biggest adjustments I had to make in that time of my life, how could I balance anything else? I know I didn't need anything else. But now, I've settled into my comfort zone. My office sits two seconds away from my children's bedrooms, site visits are done on my schedules, meetings are set on convenience. But they say the magic happens outside comfort zones. And I believe them. 

So I'm stepping out. I'm stepping forward and I'm running towards the magic. I've said yes to an amazing job opportunity into a career that I've worked my butt off for. As much as my company has taught me many things, I needed to let it sit back for awhile because of the stagnant waters it was sitting in. There is always room to learn more, grow more, BE MORE. And to me, the decision wasn't about choosing motherhood over my career, I was about deciding how to unite the two pathways together and cement them into my life as one. The decision has become about learning that each one matters just as much as the other. 

And I'm okay with it. After all, who doesn't want to chase after magic?

ready to fall in love

 I can't wait to use you, 'my little analogue princess'.

You intimidate me with your mystery.

It's knowing that I have to wait to see the your shots, knowing that I have no full control over it.

 Knowing that there's no editing, no deleting. One frame, one chance to capture that moment.

It's all pretty exciting if you ask me!

Delicate circles, Oh so bright, Shimmering shells in it’s eye.

 

They say peacock feathers represent pride, nobility and glory.

The feathers are a symbol of incorruptibility and immortality.

They are a symbol of integrity and the beauty that can be achieved when we aim

for a way to better ourselves.

The Greek myth, the goddess Hera placed eyes on its feathers to symbolise 

all-seeing knowledge and the wisdom of the heavens.

The feathers represent the God Lakshmi's qualities of kindness, patience and good fortune.

And the Buddhists believe that the feathers are associated with openness and

that they have the ability to thrive in the face of suffering.

Extremely symbolic, wonderfully beautiful and now they sit dotted around my house to 

remind me of the deep meaning they exude. 

They remind me :

To be proud but not arrogant.

To be dignified but not superior.

To be powerful but not overpowering. 

and  to be strong but not intoxicating.

*Peacock feather meanings from numerous sites.

Why hello, September.

 

... but August still continues takes my breath away....

1. August brought me three new contracts for my design company, two of which gave
    me handshakes that sealed the deal in just one day.

2. We now have another to begin concepts for.

3. It gave me a memorable last trip to LA for a long time, one that left me with butterflies
    in my tummy remembering the laughter we all shared  in just one night.

4. It let me see family that I hadn't seen in a few years, it allowed me to get to know a
    cousin I never properly knew before. I like that time allows you to do this.

5. It gave me an evening with girlfriends, with good food, good conversation and a
    chance to just be me.

6. I had the August Break, where I gave myself the goal to blog everyday. I don't see that I
    have failed this project, I see that it gave me a chance to aim for something and realise
    that not everything goes as planned and sometimes life just happens.

7. It gave this non-diva a champagne lunch with two wonderful divas in my life. Sometimes
    a girl just needs that end of the week surreal escape.

8. It allowed us a family Sunday afternoon in bed, where three of us did nothing at all with
    no guilt. This is not something that happens often.

9. August gave me hope again, simple hope that if you really believe that things will get
    better, they will. It's been awhile since I've pat myself on the back. Recently, I've had
    invisible bruises from all the beat downs I give myself.

10. .... and best of all, it allowed me to bid it goodbye in this place, where the silence
      was a little deafening for this urban girl but where the sun rays peeked through the palm
     trees in this humid tropical province, where the crickets sang loudly but a place where I
     saw a new beginning for this doubtful mind of mine.

I'm starting to believe that things are really looking up and that perhaps finally, my dreams
are coming true.

So, August, thank you. 

EDIT: 

A little curiosity found me reading back on last years August Break end and look at what I found. Funny how I found myself in the same place, at the same time of year, in a COMPLETELY different mind set.

What one year (and patience) can bring.

a letter to the universe

Dear Universe,

So, last year was tough. Somehow,  I now believe that you weren't on my side. But I am writing this letter to ask you to sit by me for my two thousand and eleven. Because I truly believe that it can be mine to grasp onto and remember.

Help me to know that this needs to be my year.

Remind me that this needs to be the year that I excel.

Tell me this has to be the year that I shine, this should be the year that I find my place.

Convince me that this can be the one, that this will be the one.

And as I walk through the doors of a gigantic firm tomorrow with my portfolio in my arms, I only ask for you to hold my hand through it all, for you to remind me that things happen for a reason and for you to help me understand that this is what I need, albeit not what I had envisioned. I also ask for you to help me with my nerves seeing that it has been awhile since I have done this.

I hope that is not too much to ask.

always,

me